Joy for Mourning Page 13

  Justin propped himself on one elbow and grinned. “I could almost feel sorry for Henry. I’ve been on the receiving end of my sister’s ire.” He shook his head. “She’s a tigress when angered.”

  “Aren’t we all?”

  “I suppose.” Justin’s eyes twinkled. “I remember our first night together at the Wetherstone Inn.”

  Elizabeth laughed. “In my defense, sir, I thought you had designs on me.”

  “You weren’t far wrong. That’s what so irritated me.” Justin grimaced at the memory. “Honor is a weak defense against love.”

  “I don’t agree.” Elizabeth rose, walked to the bed and sat beside him. “You treated me honorably, and you loved me.”

  “Indeed I did. I was attracted from the moment I first saw you. But I began to love you when you decided to walk stocking-footed into the snow in a mistaken effort to please me.”

  Elizabeth’s heart melted at the love in his eyes. “You never told me that was when you fell in love with me.”

  “I should have.” Justin’s voice was soft. He leaned over and kissed her.

  She returned his kiss, then smiled when he came up for air. “Do you know when I began to love you?”

  He went back on his elbow and propped his head up with his fist, gazing at her. “No. When?”

  “The next day, when you gave me the moccasins.”

  “Really?”

  Elizabeth smiled at his surprise. “Oh, Justin—” she threw her arms about his neck “—sometimes it frightens me to think how close we came to losing one another.”

  He pulled her tight against him.

  “Oh!” She pulled back and looked up at him. “I wanted to tell you something!”

  “What?”

  “I think the Lord is answering another of our prayers for Laina.”

  “Laina?” His mouth twisted into that crooked grin she loved so much. “I wasn’t expecting that.” Her cheeks heated at the look in his eyes. “I love your blushes.” He kissed the tip of her nose, then leaned back, tucking his hands under his head. “All right, what about Laina?”

  Elizabeth smiled down at him. “We’ve been praying the Lord would bless Laina with a love like ours and I think He’s answered our prayers. I think she and Dr. Allen are falling in love!”

  “What?” Justin jerked to a sitting position. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Well…I’m not positive. But she calls him Thad, and won’t look at you when she talks about him, and he calls her Laina, and stops by every day to check on Billy.” She giggled. “Anyone can see the boy’s doing fine. He doesn’t need a doctor’s care any more than we need more stars in the sky.”

  Justin laughed. “Sounds like love to me. I remember making up excuses to be with you. How long do you suppose he’ll keep that poor boy fettered as an excuse to see Laina?”

  Elizabeth gaped at him. “Do you think that’s what Dr. Allen is doing?”

  Justin shrugged. “I can’t say. I only know I loved you so much I would have done so, as long as it didn’t hurt the child.”

  “Oh, Justin, I love you.” Elizabeth scooted back into his arms and kissed him. His arms tightened about her, and all thoughts of Laina and Dr. Allen fled her mind as he returned her kiss.

  The children floated at her. She grabbed them as they neared, tucked them into her heart. Her heart grew larger and larger. The man came and helped her. He caught the children and handed them to her. She looked up to thank him.

  Laina shot to a sitting position in bed, her heart pounding. The stranger in her dream was Thad! She shook her head trying to rid herself of the image, but it clung like a burr to her consciousness. She took a long, slow breath to calm her racing pulse. It was happening. The dream was coming true. Thad was bringing her children and she was taking them into her heart and— Oh, my!

  Laina’s nerves tingled as she recalled the next part of the dream. The man took her hand—she couldn’t breathe. And that man was Thad? Oh, she was being absurd! That would never happen. Why, for all she knew Thad was married with a family. And the whole thing was silly, anyway. What about Justin and his hand turning into a purse that rained money down on the children in her heart? That wasn’t happening and— The funding! Justin was searching for financial support for the orphanage!

  Chills chased up and down Laina’s spine. She threw back the covers, stepped into her slippers and pulled her dressing gown on. Did dreams come true? Because if the dream was coming true, then Justin would get the funding they needed for the children. They would be able to start the orphanage.

  Laina started pacing, thrilled at the thought. As for the other—that was foolishness. She’d never been breathless at a man’s touch, not even Stanford’s, and she never would be. Not now. She paused by the window, the memory of the moment she’d collided with Thad outside the house staying her steps. She’d been short of breath then—and weak in the knees, as well. Of course, that had been caused by her rapid walk home from Randolph Court…hadn’t it?

  Laina yanked the sash of her dressing gown tighter, whirled away from the window and hurried from her bedroom. She would go check on Billy and Emma and make sure Audrey was all right. That should bring her back to her senses. She’d had enough of this silly dreaming!

  Chapter Eleven

  “May I be excused, Mrs. Brighton? I’d like to go to my room now.”

  “Of course, Audrey.”

  The young girl looked at Elizabeth and smiled. “I’m pleased to have met you, Mrs. Randolph.” She rose, made a polite curtsy and left the room.

  “My word, Laina, she’s lovely! Absolutely lovely.”

  Laina laughed. “You look astonished, Elizabeth.”

  “I am astonished.” Elizabeth shook her head. “How did such a gently reared child come to live on the streets?”

  Laina’s face tightened. “Last night I finally managed to get Audrey to tell me her story. Her mother died last winter, leaving Audrey’s inheritance in her stepfather’s safekeeping. When the interment was over, her stepfather’s grown son made improper advances to her and when Audrey told one of her mother’s friends, the stepfather berated her for a troublemaker and brought her to Philadelphia, from New York, and placed her in the Cherry Street Orphanage.”

  Laina’s fingers clenched on the handle of her teacup. She put the delicate china down before she broke it. “Audrey received nothing of her inheritance, of course, and when the orphanage burned to the ground, she—along with the rest of the orphans—was left to fend for herself. She’s been on the streets ever since.”

  “The poor child! How well I understand her story.” Elizabeth shook her head and sighed. “I’ve been blind to the plight of these orphans, Laina.” She dabbed her mouth with her napkin, then placed it back on her lap and straightened. “I’m so thankful the Lord revealed their need to you and that you’re giving us this opportunity to help them. What you said to Reverend Brown was true—those who have been blessed of the Lord should share the blessings with those less fortunate. And I’m sure there are others who will feel the same way.” Her eyes darkened with determination. “I think we should start planning those dinner parties and teas right now. These children have suffered long enough.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” Laina pushed the tea things aside, then rose and hurried to the walnut secretary in the corner for pen and paper.

  “It’s a house. An’ I gets to play in it ’cause it’s my size.”

  Thad grinned down at the toddler in his arms. “May I play in it, too?”

  Emma giggled. Her shiny blond curls swung back and forth as she shook her head. “You’re too big. Ain’t he, Mama?”

  Laina stumbled, caught her balance thanks to Thad’s guick grasp on her arm, and looked up to meet Emma’s bright brown-eyed gaze. Mama. Her throat constricted around a lump so large she had no hope of speaking. She looked at Thad in mute appeal.

  He tweaked the tip of Emma’s tiny nose. “Very well, Sunshine. If I can’t fit in the playhouse, I shall swing with
Billy.”

  “I can swing, too.” Emma twisted in Thad’s arms and looked down at her brother. “Can’t I, Billy?”

  “Yeah. Long as ya hang on tight.” Billy looked up. “Right, Mama?”

  Laina’s heart swelled to the bursting point. She blinked back a rush of tears and nodded.

  Thad cast a look her way, reached down and ruffled Billy’s hair, then lowered Emma to the stone walk. “Why don’t you two run ahead and swing? We’ll be along in a minute.”

  “Goody! Come on, Billy!” Emma broke into a run, squealing as Billy caught up and passed her.

  Laina took a deep breath. “Thank you for the rescue.” The words were soft, shaky.

  Thad turned toward her. Their gazes met. The look in his eyes made the lump come back to her throat bigger than ever. “That’s the first time they’ve called you Mama, isn’t it?”

  He was so understanding, so gentle! Thad’s face wavered beyond her teary gaze. Laina caught her trembling bottom lip in her teeth and nodded.

  “Why don’t we sit down for a moment?” Thad took hold of her elbow and started for the bench beside the path.

  Laina’s breath shortened. She followed him, refusing to lift her free hand and pull at her collar as she wanted to do. She sat and tried to suck in air, but her lungs felt too small.

  He took her hand. “Relax, Laina.” His thumb stroked back and forth across her skin.

  Everything got worse. She couldn’t breathe at all. Her heart fluttered. Panic set in. Laina yanked her hand away and grabbed for her throat.

  “Lie down.” Thad jumped to his feet, gripped her shoulders and pushed her to a reclining position on the bench. “Take small breaths.”

  It was his doctor’s voice, calm and authoritative. Laina closed her eyes to the sight of him hovering over her and followed his advice. It helped. After a minute her breathing returned to normal. The panic ebbed. She opened her eyes and sat up, staring down at her hand. It was still warm and tingly from his grasp. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” She squared her shoulders and looked up at him.

  Thad studied her face. “I think, perhaps, your heart was simply overwhelmed with love for a moment and it manifested itself in an attack of breathlessness.”

  Laina nearly swooned. Overwhelmed with love because of his touch? Heat surged up her neck and spread across her cheeks.

  “I fully understand, of course.” Thad looked toward the swing. “Billy and Emma are wonderful children.”

  Of course! Her breathless state was because of Billy and Emma calling her Mama. It had nothing to do with Thad’s touch. Laina didn’t know whether to shout with relief or scream with frustration. She would have realized that immediately if it hadn’t been for her ridiculous dream planting foolish ideas in her head!

  Her face cooled on a gust of relief. She took a deep breath, smoothed back her hair and rose to her feet. “Shall we go on, Thad? I do want your opinion of the safety of the playhouse before they continue with its construction.” She shook out the long blue-on-blue embroidered skirt of her dress, tugged its blue-and-cream-striped spencer into place and started down the stone path.

  “I find nothing to fault, Laina.” Thad glanced up from the drawings he was studying. “The playhouse is bright and airy—” he grinned at her “—and the right size. And this furniture looks sturdy and well able to withstand the play of exuberant children.”

  She laughed at his reference to Emma’s earlier claim to the playhouse and poured him a cup of tea. “Then I shall have the carpenters continue their work on the playhouse and have the cabinetmakers begin on the furniture immediately.” She looked across the table. “Cream and sugar?”

  He shook his head and laid the furniture drawings aside. “Cream only.”

  Laina added it to the tea, handed him his cup and saucer, then poured tea for herself. “I’m very grateful to you, Thad, for taking the time to advise me on these things. I want everything to be right for the children.” She put cream in her cup and stirred. “But I do apologize for taking up your time. I know I’m keeping you from your home.”

  “No need to apologize, Laina. I have the time.” He chose a biscuit from the selection arrayed on the tray she held out to him and put it on his plate. “Faithful is stabled for the night and I’ve left word with my neighbor where I can be found in case of an emergency.”

  “Your neighbor? What of your wife?” The words simply popped out. Laina flushed.

  “I’m not married.”

  “Oh.”

  “You sound surprised.” Thad took a swallow of his tea.

  “I am surprised—and rude.” Laina forced herself to look at him. “Forgive me, please. I didn’t mean to pry. I simply assumed…” She clamped her lips shut, refusing to enter the morass of embarrassing explanations she was heading toward.

  He nodded and grinned. “Assumptions can be dangerous.” His grin faded. “You learn that early in the medical profession.”

  Laina held back a sigh of relief and pounced on the change of subject. “May I ask why you chose to become a doctor?” She shot him a look. “Don’t answer if you’d rather not.”

  Thad took another swallow of tea, then put his cup down and looked at her. “I don’t mind. The choice was made for me. My parents and my older brother died in a yellow fever epidemic when I was a toddler and—”

  “You’re an orphan?” Laina blurted out the words on a surprised gasp. “No wonder you’re so compassionate with the street children.”

  Thad stared at her, a shocked look in his eyes.

  Laina’s cheeks warmed. “I’m sorry, I seem to have forgotten my manners tonight. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please continue.”

  Thad gave his head a little shake, then blew out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck. “It seems odd now that you’ve pointed it out, but I’ve never thought of myself as an orphan before this moment. I suppose that’s because the doctor who tended my family took me home to his wife and they raised me as one of their own.”

  A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I followed Dr. Simon around like a puppy. I suppose it was inevitable that his love of medicine would rub off on me.” He sobered. “But mainly, I grew up determined to help people so they didn’t lose their families as I’d lost mine. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way.” He scowled down at the table. “I still take it as a personal affront when I lose a patient.”

  “That must be terribly hard.” Laina added a bit more cream to her tea. “You’re very brave to continue.”

  Thad lifted his gaze to meet hers. “That sounds noble, but the truth is, bravery has nothing to do with it.” He sat forward in his chair. “There’s a great need for competent, learned doctors, and that need has to be met. That’s why I went to France to study, and learn their new progressive approach to medicine.”

  He reached up and plowed a hand through his hair. His cowlick popped up, dangling a dark lock of hair onto his forehead. He brushed it back. It fell forward again. He frowned and swiped at it once more. “There are far too many untrained, uneducated practitioners who do a great deal of harm, and as a result spread distrust and disdain for the medical profession among people.”

  His hand clenched into a fist on the table. “And then there are those doctors who will not change. Who will not listen to new ideas or solutions to conditions that have plagued people for years! Who are so concerned with being right, they—”

  He stopped, sucked in a deep breath and gave a wry grimace. “Sorry. I tend to get carried away on the subject of medicine.” He brushed at his hair again. “I didn’t mean to lecture.”

  “Don’t apologize, Thad. I find what you say interesting.” Laina pulled her gaze from that lock of hair her fingers were itching to smooth back in place. “You’re very passionate about your profession.”

  Thad gave a small snort. “I’d better be—it’s stolen all else from me.” His tone was resigned.

  Laina shot him a puzzled look. “All else?”

 
“A wife…children—” he gave her a lopsided grin “—an ordered existence.”

  “And why is that?”

  His grin faded. “Because of the nature of the profession. Sickness and emergencies happen any hour of the day or night and a patient’s needs must come first.” His gaze locked on hers. “That leaves little time for family life, and even less time for a social life.”

  He shrugged and reached for his plate. “Not that much social life would be possible, anyway—doctors are ill paid. All of which means there is little to offer as a marriage partner. Hence, no wife and no children.”

  Laina studied Thad as he took a bite of cookie. “And believing that, you have never considered quitting medicine for another profession?”

  He took a swallow of tea. “I’m only human. I’ve thought about it. It’s not possible for me.”

  “You’re very dedicated.”

  Thad shook his head and set his cup back on his saucer. “It’s not dedication, it’s belief. I believe practicing medicine is God’s will for me.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “You don’t quit on God.”

  The words pierced her heart. Laina stared at him. “Some of us do.” She couldn’t stop the words any more than she could stop the tears stinging her eyes. “I turned my back on God for those very reasons. I wanted children more than anything and I asked God every day for the ten years of my marriage to give me a baby. He never did.”

  Laina blinked back the tears, lifted her chin and forced out the hated words. “I’m barren. I’m sure—as a doctor—you’re familiar with the condition.” She made an effort to curb the bitterness in her voice. “And then God took Stanford from me. My husband was twenty years older than I, but still, it was quite unexpected. Suddenly I was without a mate and without hope of ever having children.” She lifted her chin a notch higher. “My faith in God’s power faded. Until recently.”

  “The children?”

  “Yes. Justin and Elizabeth believe they are an answer to their prayers for me.” She looked away from the compassion in Thad’s eyes. Where was the recrimination for her lack of faith? She forced a light note into her voice. “How can I remain angry and distant from a God who gave me Billy and Emma and Audrey?” She frowned. “That is, if He did give them to me. I’m still not convinced it wasn’t all a coincidence.”